Bitter? Angry? President Donald J Trump of the United States of America?!
Why, just look at how the kindly 71-year-old grandpa welcomed a group of kids to the White House at a Halloween trick or treat event on Friday – for children whose parents just happened to be members of the media.
“Wow, that’s a scary outfit,” the president told one little boy, leaning towards him over a vast, imposing desk. “So who are you?”
In almost the next breath, the 45th president of the US was showing just how truly great he is at talking to kids.
“I cannot believe the media produced such beautiful children!” he declared. “How the media did this, I don’t know.”
It was almost as if he was trying to tell the assembled press pack, and their children, something. But didn’t want to say it outright.
“Do you know who they are? Do you know who they are?” he asked the children, with just the right undertone of menace that you need for a Halloween event with kids of the press corps. “They’re the friendly media. That’s the press.”
Inexplicably, one little girl in the president’s eyeline seemed distressed.
“Are you crying?” said the kindly Mr Trump. “Come here sweetheart.”
The little girl didn’t seem to move much.
Not to worry. Donald had soon moved on to telling the room “These are beautiful, wonderful children.”
“Ooh,” he said, smiling (sort of) at one girl. “Are you gonna grow up to be like your parents?”
It was almost as if he had something he wanted to say but couldn’t quite find the words.
“You have wonderful parents, right?” he asked the assembled children.
The nods seemed a little nervous, almost as if the kids weren’t quite sure that ‘yes’ was the answer the president was seeking.
Of course, the fake news mainstream media will make comparisons with the times Barack Obama welcomed children to the White House.
You know, like the time Mr Obama sang Purple Rain to a kid dressed as the pop star Prince.
Or the time he crouched down to high five a little boy in a Superman outfit.
“You’re so strong,” said the grinning Mr Obama, pretending to be knocked over by the force of the gleeful child’s high five.
President Donald J Trump would never get knocked down by a little kid.
President Trump will make America great again and sock it to Rocket Man Kim Jong-un.
Besides, there were moments of levity at his kids of the media trick or treat reception. There was at least one, clearly identifiable moment of visible enthusiasm. A girl giggled when she told the president everybody was scared of the previously singled-out boy’s scary outfit.
So we had the best meeting with children in the history of presidential meetings with children.
Like a benevolent uncle, (sitting behind an alpha male boardroom desk), the president handed out the chocolate with the heartwarming, confidence-building aside “Well, you have no weight problems, that’s the good thing, right?”
But he knew what the children really wanted to talk about.
“So how does the press treat you?” he asked. “I bet you get treated by the press better than anybody in the world.”
Not that he held their parents’ jobs against them or anything.
And, all too soon, the cosy get together was over.
“They can stay,” said the child-friendly president.
“The parents,” he added with a dismissive wave, “Not so much.”
As the kids dutifully filed out, you did wonder whether they thought the grown-up with the funny hair and suit and tie outfit was the scariest Halloween turn of them all.
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